Brian the Superhero
by TheNewIdea
Summary: In which hats, collars, banana suits, Batdog Defender of Quahog(and protector of the weak!) and matters of the heart exist. Brian tries to help Meg just get through her life, while at the same time helping her learn how to enjoy it. It seems that in order for Brian to succeed, he'll have to become a superhero. Rated T for language and angst.
1. Chapter 1

Brian was sitting at the kitchen table in front of his computer trying to think of something to write. He often thought about writing about his life, but he figured no one would bother to read it. Even so, he decided to give it a try.

As he was writing he heard a soft cry come from the living room, it was cry that he hadn't heard before and yet somehow recognized. Peering into the living room, Brian saw that the crying was coming from Meg, who was on her knees. On the floor in front of her was a smashed cell phone, her hat was thrown in the corner as if she no longer cared for it. Brian stood up and simply stared at the doorway, for the first time realizing how beautiful Meg was. To clarify, Brian's classification of beauty was in the Cinderella type of sense in that he was in no way thinking of Meg in the sexual way, just thinking of the word and applying it to her.

Brian didn't say anything, only watched, closing off his ears drowning out all sound and letting his eyes do the work. It didn't take a genius to see that Meg was hurting, Brian just didn't know why, he didn't want to know. All he knew was that Meg was crying and he was there.

Meg gently brushed her hair and tried to compose herself as she nervously picked up the smashed remains that used to be her phone. When she looked up Brian had her hat in his mouth, sitting like a happy little dog that hadn't seen his master in a while, his tail wagging carelessly. He did this to try and get a smile from Meg; instead Meg snatched the hat from Brian's mouth and violently placed it on her head. It was almost as if she hated wearing it and yet somehow loved it. Brian looked down at himself and smiled, he then let out a laugh it was warm and playful.

"What's so funny?" Meg asked turning to Brian giving him a hurt stare

"You are" Brian answered as he shook his head, still laughing in the process.

Meg huffed, it was more than hurt. It was the huff that told Brian that he had just driven a knife straight into her heart and shot her in the face at the same time, "Glad to see you're so amused with my shitty life" Meg replied sadly, "At least people notice me when they laugh."

Brian switched tactics and became serious, "Come on Meg, that's not what I meant" he said reassuringly, "You just make me laugh is all."

Meg stood up and sat on the couch; Brian turned around and remained on the floor, deciding that right now he needed to be a dog. "What about me makes you laugh Brian?" Meg asked curiously as she took off her watch, Brian in response took off his collar and sat it on the floor and stretched his limbs out as if he were a cat.

"You hate your hat" Brian answered with a yawn as he scratched his ear with his hind leg, "I just find it funny that you wear it all the time." Meg rolled her eyes and laid down on the couch, Brian moved closer in order to continue the conservation that Meg obviously ended. Meg closed her eyes and attempted to sleep, Brian got right in her face and rubbed his nose, which was cold and wet, on Meg's cheek, "Stop it Brian!" Meg screamed as she woke up, "Can't you see that I'm..." Meg trailed off she didn't need to finish her sentence for Brian to know what it was she was going through, for he had thought the same time many times.

Brian slowly stood up and grasped Meg's hand, pulling her up to her feet. "Come on" the dog said, "Let's get you up." Meg looked around the room and saw nothing of particular interest. "Follow me" Brian continued, "I wanna show you something." Meg rolled her eyes, the only thing she wanted to do was go up to her room and cry, Brian knew this, for he had felt exactly what Meg was going through. Meg however, complied and followed Brian into the kitchen.

Back at his computer Brian pulled up YouTube and logged on to his page. "This is my YouTube page" Brian explained as Meg walked into the room, "It's where I advertise." He opened the first video on the list, "This was me about six months ago..."

Brian was sitting in exactly the same chair he was sitting in now, everything was just darker. For some reason the lights were turned off. Brian's eyes looked red as if from a lack of sleep, a bottle of Jack Daniels could be seen clearly next to the computer. Brian looked at the screen and flashed his teeth as if he were checking for food and then began to speak.

"For those of you who care, my name is Brian Griffin. For some reason I don't have a middle name, but that's not important right now. What is important is what I have to tell you-" Brian took a drink of Daniels and continued, "I am not who you think I am. In reality I am..." Brian disappeared underneath the table; a good bit of noise could be heard underneath it. When Brian reappeared he was dressed in a Batman costume, complete with Christian Bale voice, "Batdog, defender of Quahog and protector of the weak!" Brian struck the Superman pose and ran off screen before the video ended.

Meg turned to Brian extremely confused as to why Brian showed her this. In truth it was to try and make her laugh, it didn't work. "What was the point of that?" Meg asked seriously, Brian shook his head in disbelief, "We all have our superheroes Meg" Brian explained as he pulled out a box from underneath the table, revealing his Batman costume, "Mine just happens to be Batman." Meg shook her head and brushed him off, walking back towards the living room. Brian however wasn't having it; he was going to get a smile out of her one way or another. Brian immediately had an idea.

Meg went back to sweeping up her phone, when she looked up, Brian was standing in the threshold between the middle of the kitchen in his banana outfit.

"Okay, how about this one?" Brian asked hopefully, "This working for yah. Come on, let's see a smile Meg."

Meg remained stoic; she slumped her shoulders and went headed upstairs to her room.

Brian sighed deeply and looked down; he didn't even get a chance to sing yet. Brian shrugged, he wasn't going to let Meg stop him from having a good time, still he thought it would've been better if Meg had at least stayed downstairs. Brian shook his maracas rhythmically and danced his way upstairs.

"Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat! Where yah at? Where yah at? There you go! Now there you go, now you there go. Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!" Brian made his way to the top of the stairs and continued dancing towards Meg's door, which was open. Upon hearing Brian, Meg closed the door and locked it.

Brian stopped, sat his maracas on the ground and slipped off the banana suit. He then walked downstairs, through the kitchen and all the way outside to the garbage can where he threw both the banana suit and the maracas away. He just didn't see the point if he could make people laugh with it, so why even bother?

Brian sat down at his computer and pulled up his current project that he was working on. He read it aloud to himself twice before he deleted it. Brian figured that he could always write about himself another day, right now, he needed to be a dog. Turning off his computer, Brian walked back upstairs.

Putting his ear to Meg's door, Brian carefully listened, the only thing he could hear were the quiet sobs that Meg was making as she sat on her bed feeling pitiful. Brian breathed in and gently rapped on the door, hoping against hope that Meg would answer. She did not. Brian hung his head down sadly, feeling as if he failed her and sat down by the door, for Meg had to come out sometime.

Meg came out of her room at 2:00am. Everyone was asleep, everyone that is expect for Brian, who was curled up in as tight a ball as he could make with himself resting against Meg's doorframe. Meg disappeared back in her room for a moment and reappeared with a blanket and covered the sleeping dog up before heading downstairs. Brian opened his eyes and stood up almost as soon as Meg left and entered Meg's room.

Brian cautious crept next to Meg's room in the darkness, for turning on the light would alert Meg to his presence, for he guessed that Meg was most likely in the living room. It was just a guess but Brian didn't want to take any chances. Brian pulled out a pad and a pen and began writing.

You are more than you think you are- Brian aka: Batdog, Defender of Quahog (and protector of the weak!)

Brian then placed the note on Meg's pillow and walked out of Meg's room only to curl back up and go back to sleep right in front of Meg's door.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Meg got a called to the principal's office. She was always getting called to the principal's office, if anything just so the principal and all the secretaries could make fun of her and throw spitballs. The administration was sometimes worse than her peers.

Walking in the office, she was expecting the Principal to be sitting in his chair with a cigar in his mouth; instead she found Brian dressed in his Batman costume. "Brian?" Meg asked curiously and also a little embarrassed, "What are you doing here? And why are you dressed in that ridiculous costume?" Brian was casually sitting in the principal's chair, his feet were crossed on top of the desk as if he owned the place and for exactly one hour, he did. "Who's Brian?" Brian asked in his scratchy Batman voice, "I'm Batdog, Defender of Quahog and protector of the weak!" Meg rolled her eyes; she obviously wasn't having any of this today.

"I have to get to class Brian" Meg said as she made her way towards the door.

Brian immediately rushed over and closed the door before Meg could step through, "Classes don't exist today" Brian said, now speaking normally.

"What are you talking about?" Meg asked, "What did you do?"

Brian laughed playfully, "You'll never know how many strings I had to pull to do this. But I cancelled all of your classes for the next few days."

Meg looked at Brian in shock, "Brian! I have three exams with three of the hardest teachers in the whole school! I can't miss a single day of school."

Brian laughed again and gestured to himself, "Batdog took care of it Meg. He did all of your exams, all of your homework and everything down to signing that trip to Europe that you wanted to go to so badly."

"That trip cost $5,000, Brian" Meg replied stoically, "How did you get that money?"

"You don't have to thank me Meg" Brian said brushing it off as it were no big deal.

"That still doesn't answer my question Brian. Where did you get the money for Europe?" Meg said sternly, her face tried and ready to face ridicule from her peers that she would inevitably face.

Brian finally caved and relented, "I sold my car" Brian answered, "and my computer...and my collar...and my priceless collection of Frank Sinatra albums...and my gold tooth." Meg had a hard time believing him when he listed all the things he sold for he was smiling the entire time and his eyes told her that he was messing her.

"Are you serious?" Meg asked for clarification, "Do I sound serious?" Brian asked, reverting to his Batman voice, "Not particularly" Meg answered, "Then I'm not serious" Brian replied, "Now come on, to the Dogmoblie!" Brian rushed out of the principal's office, shouting like a banshee and generally acting like an idiot while Meg looked on in disbelief. "Batdog- Defender of Quahog and protector of the weak" Brian screamed as loud as he could as he passed every room on his way out the door, "Have no fear, for whenever Batdog is near, danger runs...in fear!"

Brian knew that he was being an idiot and he knew that everyone he passed was laughing at him but at the moment Brian didn't really care. All he wanted was a smile from the girl he thought looked prettier without her hat on, and if that meant acting like a nut, then that's what he would do. Meg walked outside if only to see where Brian was going only to find that Brian was heading towards a literal Batmoblie with the words "Dogmoblie" spray painted in white on the side.

"Well what are you waiting for?" Brian asked as he reached the car, "Get in."

Meg stared at Brian with confusion, "Why do you have a Batmoblie?" she asked.

"Its Dogmoblie" Brian answered, "I'm Batdog. I have a Dogmoblie, it's not complicated."

Meg sighed, she couldn't believe that Brian was resorting to this, Brian could sense this and laughed, "Alright here's the deal" Brian began again, "I'll stop the Batdog thing if you laugh." Meg shook her head, "I don't feel like laughing Brian. I'm not in the mood."

Brian sighed and took off his mask, "What do you want me to do?" he asked, practically begging, "I got you out of classes, I paid for your trip. I sold my car, my computer-" Meg stopped him midsentence, "Wait? You were telling the truth?" Brian nodded, "Do you know how expensive Europe is?" Brian asked rhetorically, "I'm up to my ankles in debt. I'll be dead fifty years before I'll have enough money to pay it off."

Brian walked over to Meg and hugged her as tight as he could, "But you know what?" Brian continued, "It'll all be worth it just to see you smile Meg, just to see you happy." Meg returned the gesture but said nothing, her face stoic as ever, it was like talking to stone. Meg slowly entered the car and patiently waited for Brian to get in to drive her home. The drive back was spent in complete silence.


	3. Chapter 3

Brian stood in the shower and let the water hit his face. He couldn't help but feel guilty, for now Meg had locked herself in her room, refusing to come out to even so much as eat. Lois and Peter both tried to get through to her, but Meg only cursed them and threatened her own life which she thankfully never took. Brian began crying as he stood in the water, he never felt more ashamed than he had in his entire life, he publically embarrassed Meg in front of what to her was the whole world, he knew because shortly after Batdog ran through the school, it had gone viral. Brian specifically remembered that Meg followed her for a considerable length of time, trying to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Brian just continued running and did the exact opposite of what he wanted to do.

"What have you done Brian?" Brian whispered, "How could you do that to her? How could you be so fucking stupid?" Brian slammed his hand against the wall, if he had hit it hard enough he would've made a good size hole in it, but Brian was too upset to cause any collateral damage. "All you wanted was to make her laugh. Just to get her to enjoy herself for a day. To just be Meg and not be whoever she thought she had to be to get people to like her." Brian turned off the water and crumbled into a ball, he began sobbing, and to him it seemed that nothing he would ever do would make this right.

The door opened, in came Stewie, who was carrying Rupert. Stewie sat on the toilet and reached down and petted the dog, not really feeling like kicking him today.

"What's wrong Brian?" Stewie asked his voice full of concern.

"I ruined Meg's life" Brian answered sadly, "It's my fault that she won't come out of her room. It's my fault that she's unhappy all the time. I'm a failure as a dog Stewie."

Stewie shook his head, denying Brian, "You are many things Brian. But if it's one you're not it's a failure."Stewie said comfortingly, "Look at what you've done, all the good things you've been doing. Why I'd say you flipped you lid! I've never seen you like before" Brian stood up, Stewie handed him a towel to dry off with.

"Seen me like what?" Brian asked curiously

"Happy" Stewie continued, "Something's come over you Brian. I don't know it is and I don't want to know. But I will tell you this, whatever it is, it's a good thing. A very good thing."

Brian smiled knowingly, "If you only knew the past few months Stewie. Maybe then you would understand."

Stewie looked up at the ceiling as if he were in deep thought and attempted to guess at what Brian did in the past months that could cause him to be so happy, "You're on new drugs?" Brian shook his head, Stewie guessed again, "Got it, girlfriend. You have a girlfriend." Brian wished it were true, but it wasn't, Stewie tried a third time, "You converted?"

This was almost true for Brian had taken a step from atheism to agnostic. Brian shook his head playfully and put on his collar, "I'll never tell Stewie. Not until this is all over." Stewie huffed in annoyance and followed Brian out.

Brian knocked on Meg's door and listened. Silence. He knocked a second time. Still nothing. Brian sighed and simply continued knocking, eventually doing random patterns like "Shave and a Haircut" and "Smoke on the Water" but he still got no response. "Meg" Brian called, "Open up please!" Nothing. Brian started crying, it was all he could not to break the door down, "I'm sorry Meg" Brian continued, "I pushed too much. I should've never gone to your school. I just wanted to make you happy Meg" Brian began whimpering as he collapsed to the floor.

Stewie walked over and helped Brian up, "Come on Brian" Stewie said trying to steer Brian away from the situation, "Let's go see what Lois is cooking for dinner." Brian fought back tears, if he held any more emotion in he might explode and die of heartbreak or simply jump out the nearest window. Brian pulled away from Stewie and went back over to Meg's door. It was then that the doorbell rang.

Lois was in the kitchen preparing dinner when the doorbell rang. Walking over to the door and opening it, she was face to face with a woman in her early 30's with tears down her face. In her right hand was a Batman balloon, a bag and a letter. "Can I help you?" Lois asked, her face littered with confusion as she wondered why this woman was at her doorstep. The woman's eyes grew wide with fear as she desperately tried to explain her situation. "I-is this not the Griffin residence?" she asked worriedly, "It is" Lois answered her voice turning from confused to semi hatred at this weepy woman who was starting to get on her nerves for not explaining things quickly enough.

The woman extended her free hand in greeting, "My name is Carrie..."

Brian and Stewie were at the bottom of the stairs at this point, Brian finally having composed himself enough, red streaks were still visible on his cheeks. As soon as Brian saw Carrie he ran towards her and embraced her as if letting go would mean the end of the world. "No!" Brian cried, "Not him, not him." Carrie nodded as she looked down at Brian, "Yes" she answered as she too started choking up again. "Jimmy's gone Brian." This was enough for Brian to completely lose it. He started crying uncontrollably and crumbled into himself once again.

Brian immediately looked up at Carrie and wiped his eyes, he was still crying, "When's the funeral?" he asked, "Brian" Carrie began, "You don't have to-" Brian cut her off and spoke more sternly, "When. Is. The. Funeral!" Carrie sighed deeply and nodded in understanding, "Tomorrow, Quahog Funeral Home. At noon." Brian nodded, he didn't need to write it down, he would remember.

Brian pulled away and breathed in, trying to compose himself, Carrie handed him the balloon and the bag, "He wanted you to have these" Carrie said as she turned away, "T-t-thanks Carrie" Brian replied sadly, the balloon and bag feeling like sandbags full of rocks as well as sand. "I'll call you sometime" Brian exclaimed, "We can have lunch or something okay?" Carrie smiled and nodded, "It's a date then."

Lois turned to Brian, "What was that all about?" Brian didn't answer her, instead he walked back over to the stairs, handed the balloon to Stewie and took the bag upstairs, saying nothing.

While Brian was in the shower Meg was sitting on her bed in front of her laptop. She was just browsing randomly, not really thinking when she landed on Brian's YouTube page. Curiosity getting the better of her, Meg searched through the videos and came across one with a curious yet simple title, "Jimmy-Quahog Children's Cancer Center" Meg clicked on the video.

Brian was in a hospital room dressed once again as Batman. He was holding a handheld camera; on his chest was a sticker with a smiling heart with a band-aid down the middle of it.

"Good morning Quahog Rhode Island!" Brian said as if he were a car salesman from the 1960's trying to get you to buy something, "I'm here in Room 204 of the Quahog CCC with my buddy Jimmy." Brian turned the handheld camera towards Jimmy; he was a boy of about six or seven, with a stick and bone frame and no hair. Yet despite his situation Jimmy still had a smile that stretched all across his face. "Say hi Jimmy!" Brian exclaimed, Jimmy waved as best he could and in as voice as loud as he could produce spoke, "Hi!" Brian covered his ears playfully and shrank back, "That's a super yell you've got there kid" Brian replied, "Thanks Batdog" Jimmy answered still smiling.

Brian sat on Jimmy's bed and turned to Jimmy.

"Do you know why I wear this mask Jimmy?" Brian asked

"No" Jimmy answered plainly as he readjusted himself on the pillow, "Why do you wear the mask?"

Brian smiled and gently took Jimmy's hand. The gesture was almost fatherly, but his smile was that of a mother. "To give people a symbol. Something to believe in, something to hope for..."

Brian was cut off with Jimmy embracing him, almost causing Brian to fall off the bed. Brian pulled away and placed Jimmy back in his place. "You wanna send me out?" Brian asked, Jimmy nodded excitedly as Brian got off the bed and moved in the corner of the room. Jimmy couldn't help but laugh as Brian rolled his neck and gave the thumbs up. Jimmy covered his mouth in order to make his voice louder and sent Brian out:

"Out from the darkness and into the light, he will strike evil doers with terror and fright!"

Brian ran around the room while Jimmy was doing this, pretending to fly and not acting like Batman but more like Superman, it didn't matter though for Jimmy's smile was worth not being accurate. Jimmy continued as Brian turned towards camera and ran towards it as if he were attacking it.

"The people of Quahog will not despair as long as he is there. They only need to shout his name and he will appear. He is- Batdog, Defender of Quahog"

Brian joined in at this part for it was his favorite bit

"And protector of the weak!"

Brian laughed and Jimmy laughed along with him just before the video turned to black and an advertisement bearing the Quahog Children's Cancer Center with the caption, "We can all be superheroes. Please donate to help fund cancer research."

Meg didn't know what to think of the video. She watched it again...and again...and again. Each time, a faint smile could be seen on Meg's face, growing in size the more she watched. By the sixth time round Meg was laughing right along with them. By the seventh she was crying, and in a first time in a long while they weren't tears of sorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

The world came crashing down for both of them. Meg returned to school that morning and was faced with extreme ridicule, even more so than usual. Brian meanwhile spent the entire day feeling miserable among other miserable people at the local funeral home.

Meg sat at the table in the corner in the cafeteria just trying to survive. Connie, the bitch, had just insulted on how ugly she was and Brad, the guy that Meg likes but Connie is with, simply said nothing and smiled warmly towards her. Meg didn't even hear the rest of the insult, because for a moment she was walking on air, but that moment was immediately crushed by a cruel and damning joke.

Someone from behind stood up and screamed "Batdog, Defender of Quahog and protector of the weak!" causing Meg to turn around, eyes flaring with anger as she pulled a knife from her back pocket and pointed it at herself. "Who said it!" she cried, "Who!" The room had fallen silent. Meg backed up into the corner of the room, "I swear!" she continued, "I'll do it...I'll kill myself right here and you'll all be sorry!" They did nothing.

Meg dropped the knife and walked over to the corner where she was now, just trying to block out the world.

No one said anything when Brian walked in as Batdog. They knew, it was plain as day, as the hand in front of your face. In fact, as soon as they saw Brian in that costume, their faces lit up and for a moment, everything wasn't as bad. It was almost as if Jimmy were alive. They could picture in their heads Jimmy holding Brian's hand, both of them smiling, neither of them saying anything, their faces of content being all the words that needed to be said. Brian slowly made his way to the coffin in the front of the room, behind him was Stewie who down at the floor, trying not to look at anything.

Brian took over the small coffin, his nose was dripping wet with snot and a good amount of tears, but he refused to let them shed. He just stared at the small boy inside and said nothing, for nothing that he could ever said would ever do justice for his own heart. Brian pulled off his mask and placed it inside, along with a single red rose and a large piece of fur from his back inside a bag.

"Until that grows on your head" Brian said as he walked away, "Keep the mask."

Stewie looked down in the coffin and wondered what the significance of the fur and mask was, for he didn't know the whole story. The only thing he knew was that Brian asked him to come to have a shoulder to lean on, in the inevitable event when Brian broke down in tears, barely able to stand. Stewie patted Jimmy's hand as if he were a friend. He'd like to think that maybe they might've had something in common for Jimmy seemed smart. Stewie thought about going back in his time machine, but ultimately decided against it for Brian's sake.

Brian walked towards the back of the room and sat down in the nearest chair he could find. Carrie came over, she was holding a martini, which she gave to Brian, who took it but left it alone, he didn't feel like drinking today, that and it was not becoming of a superhero. At that moment, "Go Rest High on That Mountain" by Vince Gill began playing from the radio next to the coffin.

"He would've been proud of you" Carrie began as she sat down next to Brian and gently placed her hand on Brian's knee.

"He didn't know me Carrie" Brian replied, "He knew Batdog. That's who he's proud of."

Carrie shook her head and sighed, "Jimmy knew. He knew what you were doing in that hospital room. He knew what was happening to him...but he also knew that a superhero took the time to visit him."

Brian laughed at the thought; he wasn't feeling like a superhero, he was feeling like a failure. "Superheroes save people Carrie. I didn't...I couldn't save Jimmy. I couldn't save a lot of them. But I tried damn it. I tried with everything that I had and did everything that I knew how to do and they're still dead. Jimmy, Carol Anne, Ricky, Mary, Joseph, George, Talia...too many to even list Carrie, they're all dead. I didn't do a goddamn thing."

Carrie closed her eyes and gently kissed Brian's forehead. "Yes you did" she said as she brushed part of her hair from her eyes, "You were just as much a doctor as the guys with the PhD's. You gave them hope Brian. You made them forget about their problems. They weren't thinking about dying, they were thinking about you and about becoming superheroes themselves."

At this Brian nodded, for he had already considered them such, "We all have our superheroes. I had 25 of them...and none of them were older than nine!" Brian broke down after that and said nothing else.

Stewie walked over and led Brian away. He had been watching Brian this whole time, giving him enough space to breathe easy and talk with Carrie. Stewie turned towards Brian and then towards Carrie. "Yep" Stewie said as he grabbed Brian's hand and forced the dog to walk towards the door, "You're in."

Carrie's cell phone rang seconds later. "Yes...okay I'll..." Carrie didn't even hear the rest of the conversation, or even so much as finish it, she was running too fast. "Brian!" she called, "Brian!" Brian still hung his head in silence as he stood by the door. Stewie rolled his eyes annoyingly, "Look Carrie is it...I understand that emotions are high and you're both probably thinking the same thing, but do you really want to do it in a funeral home?" Carrie looked at Stewie extremely confused, Brian laughed a bit as he lifted his head up.

"He's talking about sex" Brian answered, "If that's what you're coming over here for, I'm afraid it'll have to wait. I'm not in the mood and we are in a funeral home. But I'll gladly call you later and we can work something out okay?"

Carrie rolled her eyes, "It's not about that" she replied, "It's about Meg."

Brian turned around, his face became fearful, for usually if it was ever about Meg for any reason it wasn't a good one. "What's going on?" Brian asked, mentally preparing himself. "She's threatening people with a knife..." That was all Brian needed to hear in order for him to run back over to the casket and retrieve his mask. "Sorry Jimmy" Brian said quickly as he put it on, "But I'm goanna need to borrow this. You know what they say, duty calls." Brian gently kissed Jimmy's head and ran out the door, shouting the immortal phrase:

"Batdog, Defender of Quahog and protector of the weak!"

Meg had finally snapped. For Connie the Bitch was at it again. This time she had the whole cafeteria backing her up. "You're such a whore Meg" Connie began, "In fact, you're lower than a whore, because whores roll around in dirt. You're just dirt!"

Note: It is not a smart thing to make fun of someone who has a knife in their hand because they will hurt you-badly. And if that happens, it's your own damn fault for being so stupid. End of note.

Meg jumped on Connie and violently began slashing her face, Connie was screaming for someone to help her but they all stood there looking on in horror, too afraid to even move. Meg made a large across Connie's mouth, giving her a Joker smile. "How does it feel you fucking bitch!" Meg screamed, "How does it feel to be shown your true face!" Connie didn't respond, only screamed in pain and agony.


	5. Chapter 5

Brian sped through the streets of Quahog, he ran seven stop lights and almost caused just as many wrecks, but at the moment the dog was only thinking about one thing. By the time he pulled up to the school, Joe was already on the scene.

"Whoa take it easy there Brian" Joe said stopping him in his tracks in front of a police line, "There's no need to do this superhero thing."

Brian unsheathed his claws and glared menacingly at Joe, "Maybe not Joe" Brian began, "But Meg doesn't need the police right now. She needs help!"

Joe raised his eyebrows in confusion," Like mental help?"

The longer Brian stood there, the more agitated he got, "Joe if you don't let me in you better fucking shoot me because I'm getting in that building and you're not going to stop me."

Joe sighed and pulled his gun, "Is that how it's going to be Brian?" Brian nodded, "That's how it has to be Joe. So go ahead. If you want to hurt her, rush in there with your guns and slap the cuffs on."

Joe pulled back on the hammer and took aim.

Meg looked around the room as she hovered over Connie, "Anyone else?" Meg asked threateningly, "Come on guys...take off your damn masks!" They remained motionless, cowered in the corner of the cafeteria.

Brian burst through the door behind her and tackled Meg to the ground."Meg, listen to me!" Brian begged, "Just calm down and we can talk this out!" Meg shook her head, "You ruined my life!" she screamed as she tried to wrench the knife free, but Brian had her pinned to the ground, "Because of you Brian, I don't have any friends! I'm alone..." Brian laughed sarcastically, "You're never alone Meg. As long as I'm alive you will never be alone. Look at what I've done-I paid for that trip, remember Europe? All of that was me. And the money? I was saving to buy my own place Meg." Meg growled, "I don't care Brian!" she screamed, "You humiliated me!" Brian heard her but simply ignored her. He smiled gently as he wrenched the knife from Meg and set it safely out of reach. Brian continued as if Meg said nothing at all.

"I found a nice house in a quiet little subdivision right next to Spooner Street. I was going to have a nice backyard for those barbecues that we like so much, a pool for the hot summer days and somewhere down the way enough room for my own family."

Brian could see that Meg was beginning to calm down. He loosened his grip.

"But I gave it up Meg. I gave it up because I knew that that trip was important to you. You talked about it for months! About how you were going to go to Italy and see Rome, about when you were in Germany you would make as many Nazi jokes as you could, in Greece you were going to reenact that scene from 300 even though it was in a completely different country. You were going to do so many things...and I wanted that for you Meg. Because I knew that Europe was going to change your life. That you were finally going to get everything that you deserved."

Meg immediately went back to being angry; the mere mentioning of the Europe trip was enough to remind her of that day. "I hate you!" she screamed, "I hate you!" Brian slammed Meg down on the ground; the sound of Meg's head hitting the hard tile floor resonated through the otherwise quiet room. Brian began crying, if he didn't find a way to fix this, he would have no choice but to send Joe in and make good on all his promises. Brian couldn't let that happen, not while he was here and especially when he was Batdog.

Brian gently pulled Meg's hat and gently brushed her hair in the way that brought out her eyes. Brian then took off his mask and sighed. He stood up as slowly as he could and pulled Meg to her feet. "This is the real Meg Griffin" Brian exclaimed as he looked around the room, "She is something that cannot be defined by the clothes she wears or the things she eats or the people she sits with. She is something that if she has to be defined at all, can only be defined with the word beautiful." Brian slowly took off his costume, he was for better or worse naked, but since he was a dog it was acceptable.

Brian shook himself as hard as he could, in an instant 95% of his fur fell of his body; only his face remained relatively covered. A large pile of white fur was at the dog's feet. "My name is Brian Griffin. I have donated in total 110% of fur on my body to be used for wigs for cancer patients over the past six months. It takes me almost a month to grow everything back only for me to shave it off again. This is the last time I am doing this, at the request of the doctor's who are considered for my own mental health." Brian put the costume back on to cover himself. "So do yourselves a favor and leave Meg the fuck alone. Or you all answer to me and trust me you don't want that. I will find you and if I do you will know the true meaning of pain as I break your legs and do unspeakable things to your person. You will know who did it, you will know why and I promise you that you will never even think about Meg afterwards, because every time you do, you'll think of me."

Brian turned towards Meg just as Joe burst into the room with three other officers, their guns aimed directly at Brian's chest. "Go ahead Joe" Brian dared, "Go ahead and shoot me. Do it if you think you'll be able to live with yourself afterwards. Do it if you want to stop making people happy, because if you knew, if you really knew what I've been doing, then you would know that I've saved 25 people's lives in one day. You would know also know that 26 people will never be the same, you would know that out of those 26, one of them was me and you would know not to pull that trigger and to let me and Meg walk out of here." Joe shook his head, "I'm sorry Brian. But I have to do my duty..."

"Fuck your duty!" Meg screamed suddenly having a change of heart after hearing both Brian's monologue and now with guns in the picture, "Just let us go!" Joe turned towards Meg and trained his gun on her, "You so much as touch that trigger Joe and you're going to wish that it was me in front of that gun instead of her" Brian threatened, the fire in his eyes letting Joe know that he wasn't bluffing.

Brian and Meg walked out of the building and headed down the street. In Meg's hand was a bag in which was Brian's fur. In Brian's right hand was his mask, his left arm had a bullet hole that was almost clean through.

"It's a good thing Joe missed" Brian said as he walked down the street.

"Yeah" Meg replied as she looked down feeling ashamed, "It'd be a real shame if you died Brian."

Brian looked at her with a surprised look, "Really? I thought you hated me" he exclaimed, "I thought you wanted me dead!"

Meg shook her head, "Hardly" she answered, "I just needed some space Brian. I guess...I guess I just snapped is all. This whole Batdog thing really got to me."

Brian sighed in understanding, "Well you don't have to worry about him anymore" he said somewhat sadly, "He's going away for a while." Meg nodded, thankful that it was resolved.

They eventually found their way in front of the house. Meg tapped Brian's shoulder, Brian turned around to find Meg in a banana suit holding maracas.

"How's this working?" Meg asked, "Come on Brian, let's see a smile." Brian smiled, it stretched all across his face. "Shall we then?" Brian asked as he put his mask on, "Yes" Meg answered, "Yes we shall."

They then began dancing all the way up to the door, singing all the way:

"Its peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat..."

After that they began laughing like lifelong friends who haven't seen each other for a long time. Brian knew that Meg wasn't fixed yet and he also knew that Batdog would most likely be called upon again to save the day. Meg knew that things weren't going to change instantly, there were still going to be problems, for there are always problems, but she figured that life was going to get better from here on out.

And so Brian and Meg walked in the house, greeted by their family. When asked about their day, they said nothing and things continued business as usual.


End file.
